Yesterday, I got up and went to my meeting (not good), and then headed over to Wal-Mart to do a Big Shop (as we call Trudging in our house). That was good, because I got food (we were almost out), but bad because it was a lot of money. Came home, and as we were bringing the groceries in , our neighbor across the hall asked us if we’d like to join him.. Read More


Insane father update: According to my sister, he has emailed my stepmother indicating that he knows he’s fucked up big time and that he hopes that she will at least consent to listen to him when he gets back next week. Caryn thinks that she’ll take him back, but only if he changes his bizarro behavior. I feel like I’m stuck in Bizarro Family World or something. Anyways. I was pretty productive at.. Read More


Very tired tonight. Not sure why. Already took a nap, but I think I’m going to go to bed in a little while. I’ve been pretty lax with the whole Weight Watchers thing lately, I am going to try to do better. It’s really frustrating bouncing around the same five pound range for nearly five months now. Plateauing is better than gaining, but still–it would be nice to get back on track, so.. Read More


We had a yummy dinner: tandoori chicken (cooked on the George Foreman grill), green beans with butter, and boiled potatoes. And a glass of tangerine-grapefruit juice for me. Practically balanced, it was. Practically a miracle. I’ve done pretty well with controlling the food today, although I did succumb to a donut at lunch. It was sitting there, on the counter, in a little mini-skirt and a tube top! And it said, “Eat me!”.. Read More


After word, we went over to DrMM’s house, to drop off our VCR (which she’s borrowing), a bunch of tapes so she can dub Escaflowne for a friend of ours, as well as a couple of extra tapes, for Revolutionary Girl Utena dubs. We went to Applebee’s for dinner, where I totally pigged out, and then we hung out at her place and watched some TV. Exciting, eh? I did have a fairly.. Read More


I’m hiding all my wounds. hiding everything from you waiting to see what you’ll do next. they say men don’t like wounded women. or they like them too much. I haven’t seen the end yet, and I don’t remember the beginning – but this marrow is where I live. I burn here. I’ve been broken half a dozen times and each time thought it was the very last my soul could stand and.. Read More

ways and means

and into me you looked and turned and then we found out what everyone was laughing at – was then the point that the world was lost? or before? or does it matter, since this is not written for the words it stands on but instead for the way it looks when scrawled across a printed page.


the cry struck the sky and broke it, letting shards of space and time tumble around the upturned faces watching far below. a moment of silence vibrated in the broken air, while broken pieces of reality shuddered; reality promptly recrystallized and spat flame in the faces of the participants. it was very strange to see sex and things much higher reflected in the opponent’s wheeling movement – strange, out of all the things.. Read More

well aware

most of morning, I wake up with exhaustion wrapped around my shoulders and a preexisting numbness in my mind and heart – to think nothing, feel nothing, be nothing as yet. then I touch SAL for a while, and switches activate in my mind, and we reluctantly accept the thaw. this morning, there was something waiting for me when I woke up, and it seethes in my belly now; an odd mixture of.. Read More

I dint ween no steenkeen lottarhee.

Still, I wonder how anyone can question the existence of God when I found the shoe sale that I lucked upon today. I was, in all actuality, prepared to zoom in, plink down forty bucks for new softball cleats for Scout –maybe some socks, as well– and zoom on out. As it turns out, we spent nearly two hours in that place trying on shoes, all because the lady behind the counter chirped.. Read More